i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
