he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
