So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
