This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
