I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
