oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
