We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
