I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
