An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
