Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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