plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
