So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
