Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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