come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
