Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
