3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
