I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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