first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
