I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
