the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
