I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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