you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
