My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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