I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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