My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
