I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
