i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just googled if crying burns calories
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
