She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
