God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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