Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
