She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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