Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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