Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
