he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
