did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
