Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
