why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my sisters under your porch take her home
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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