Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
