You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
