very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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