Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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