A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Success! We fucked roommates!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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