I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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