I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
