I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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