he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
