Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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