Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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