Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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