I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
