How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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